I puked a lego.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
