We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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