arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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