i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize