happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
