I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
