Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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