Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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