i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
