She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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