we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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