Already got asked if we're dating
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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