I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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