with your own penis?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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