I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize