we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
