I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
