i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So many bounce houses so little time
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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