Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
