i don't like sucking hair
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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