Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
