TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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