The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
