At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
