So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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