The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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