I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
