Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
