I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
