So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
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There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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