i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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