Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
