Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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