She's JV to your varsity
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
