He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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