Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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