They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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