Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
