oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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