Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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