Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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