two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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