the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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