planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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