so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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