too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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