I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
