I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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