Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
