jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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