Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
