She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
