I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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