you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
