woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
