my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize