My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
