im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
