I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
