My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize