If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
