I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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