ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
