whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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